


Goodbye Love

by EmmaKeladry



Series: Culmets Celebration Week 2019 [1]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, Best friend Straal, Break Up, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Season 1, anti-romance, sad paul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 22:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21005429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaKeladry/pseuds/EmmaKeladry
Summary: Paul wasn't exactly good at dating or being in a relationship with others. The last break-up he swore he'd ever have.





	Goodbye Love

**Author's Note:**

> For the Culmets Week Celebration, prompt #1 - Paul Stamets.
> 
> I apologize for it being a little dark/depressing, but it's meant to be Paul before he met Hugh. We see a different Paul, one who gets to be honest with the one he loves and not be afraid to work hard, since he knows Hugh will always tell him the truth.

_Fuck_. Paul shoved his extra clothes into his worn duffle bag, making a mental note to replace this one. He fought the hot moisture pooling in his eyes and it only seemed to make him angrier. Ten months. Paul thought he knew him. But he should’ve known when Cole resisted moving in together and was weird about Paul’s new project. He thought Cole was just jealous of him spending time with Straal, even though he assured him that Justin was just a friend and colleague. Never seemed to placate him.

He grabbed a handful of PADDs from his – from Cole’s nightstand and put them in his bag. A holo-image of them together at a restaurant, celebrating one of Cole’s work successes, rested beside them. They both wore dorky, happy smiles, which apparently wasn’t enough.

_“You’re married to your work. We’d never work out, Paul.”_ Cole’s voice rang in his ears, still clear from their last argument. _“I started seeing someone else. It’s not cheating because you are never here! So don’t even say that. You’re not a part of this relationship. I’m the only one trying and I’m fucking done trying. Your work always comes before us, before me, and I can’t do it anymore, Paul.”_

“_You knew that when you started dating me_.”

It didn’t make a difference. They argued. Cole decided he was done and walked out. Before he left, he stood in the doorway for one more moment and asked Paul to take all of his things and be gone by tomorrow morning. Paul didn’t need that much time. He didn’t have a lot of stuff, having most of his things at the lab or in storage. Paul grabbed the last of his PADDs and started for the door. He paused.

One more thing.

He stopped in the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush. Paul stared at it for a long moment before slipping it into his bag. He vowed not to get to that point again; to allow someone that much intimacy with him. Paul shouldered his duffle bag and stepped out into the pouring rain. Shit. He didn’t bother to zip up his jacket as he walked to the transport station. Water ran into his eyes, but he refused to wipe it away. The droplets fell from his eye lashes, blending with his tears. Paul walked the opposite direction and kept moving.

He shook his head, as the thoughts overwhelmed him: drinking coffee together, laughing over lunch, snuggling on the couch and fall asleep together, kissing while dancing. Paul bit his lip to keep back a sob and walked faster.

Too fast.

His shoe slipped in a puddle of water, sending him falling to his ass as he tried to catch himself with his hands behind him. Fuck. Paul groaned and cursed as he stood back up and continued walking. He didn’t need Cole or his breakfast in bed or his tendency to take Paul’s work right out of his hand and set it down so he could kiss him. Never again. He didn’t need companionship. Not like this.

Paul walked for almost an hour and every part of his body was soaked. His shoes squished out water with each step, but it didn’t matter. He slowly walked up to the steps of the building and ducked beneath the overhang. He found the correct button and pressed the buzzer. It took a long minute before a familiar voice answered.

“Do you know what time it is?” Straal asked, his voice raw and scratchy.

“After midnight. I know. I’m sorry.” Paul paused, not wanting to break the news like this. He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

The door chimed and unlocked. Paul stepped into the building and headed to Straal’s door. It opened before him; Straal wearing his flannel pajama pants and an old school t-shirt. His hair was mussed up on one side.

“What happened?” Straal looked him up and down, frowning at him. “You’re absolutely soaked.” He disappeared into the darkness of the apartment, turning on a few lights as he went and came back with a plush yellow towel. He wrapped it around Paul’s shoulders as he shivered. Straal studied Paul’s face; his red rimmed eyes and paler than normal complexion. “Come on in.”

Straal ushered him toward the bathroom and insisted on him taking a warm shower. Paul didn’t say anything as he took the dry clothes that he was offered. He showered in silence, trying to keep the numbness he’d acquired on his walk. It was better to be numb than to hurt. But it didn’t last as he realized the last of Cole’s bodywash scent disappeared from his skin. Paul braced himself on the wall of the shower and sobbed, fighting to keep it in, but also hoping that the sounds of the water drowned out his sorrow. He stayed in the water until he felt it start to chill a little. Paul stepped out and dried off on another fluffy yellow towel that reminded him of ducks in children’s storybooks. He dressed in the sweatpants and t-shirt. Paul emerged from the bathroom. Straal came over to him and guided him to the couch. Paul didn’t need the help, but he accepted it. It wasn’t until Straal pressed a warm mug of hot chocolate into his hands that he realized he was still shaking, despite being warm and dry.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Straal asked after a long silence.

Paul shook his head but spoke anyway. “We broke up. He asked me to have all of my stuff out by morning. I couldn’t stay there any longer.” He choked up and tried to cover by taking a sip of the hot chocolate. It was exactly how he liked it; with a bit of white chocolate mixed in and tiny little marshmallows on top. He wanted to thank him for being so thoughtful, but no words came out. He quietly let the liquid warm him up.

A soft cream knitted blanket draped over his legs. Straal took the mug from his hands and set it on the coffee table. He gently guided Paul to lay down. He pulled the blanket to cover Paul’s shoulders and tucked it around him. After a moment, Straal seemed pleased that Paul wasn’t shaking anymore and dimmed the lights.

“Get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow. If you want.” Straal stood in the doorway, watching as a tear rolled down the end of Paul’s nose and dripped onto his pillow. “You can stay here as long as you need. Night Paul.”

Paul meant to whisper his thanks, but he drifted off, swearing not to let himself by hurt again by someone he loved. All he needed was Stella and Straal. No one else.


End file.
